


Stained

by pastelmoondust



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Angst, Illnesses, Loss, M/M, Medical, Sad, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 21:01:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7949047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelmoondust/pseuds/pastelmoondust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ikari Shinji is a doctor. He cares for someone on the brink of death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stained

**Author's Note:**

> okay so while writing this i was listening to 'airy me' by cuushe, so if you wanna listen to it to perhaps set the mood then go ahead. comments are very much appreciated!!

Ikari Shinji has never wanted to become a doctor. He especially had never wanted to become a doctor at the NERV hospital. The most experienced doctors of Japan worked there, and then there he was. He was already so bad at taking care of himself, and the fact that there were such fragile lives put into his hands was absolutely bone-crushing. Though, it had never been quite as overwhelming as it was now.

Shinji was filling out paper work. Even the staff knew that he's has little to no capability of taking care of most, so they made him sign papers a lot. The times he does have to take care of someone, he does so sloppily. Nevertheless, he's somehow saved everyone he was assigned to, even when doctors were sure they were done for, and they liked him only for that. But, they did pity the poor kid. His father forced him to work so young, and they had to accept him either way. His father was the boss, and you had to do whatever he told you to do. He never took no for an answer. But today, a woman that Shinji was only vaguely familiar with, who went by the name Dr. Katsuragi, was approaching him. She had a grave look on her face, her hands behind her back. She signaled for him to follow her, and he did as such. 

This was strange, he thought. Maybe she was going to have him organize some medications again, since he was quite decent at doing so. But in the end, it was only basic medical knowledge, so he didn't think much of it. They both stopped in front of a door labelled 117. He was then told that the patient behind the door had a terminal illness, and only had a few months left to live. He was going to live out the rest of his life here in the hospital, she says. But what was Shinji doing here? Oh, his father said he wanted him to watch over the patient. His father says a lot of things.

They go into the room. There was a boy on the bed, with several machines hooked up to him. He looked to be the same age as Shinji, but yet his hair was white and thin. His skin looked like it had never been kissed by sunlight; you were able to see through it like paper. His veins were blue and purple, spreading across his arms like dead tree branches. His eyes said he was in pain, irises red as blood, white eyelashes tattered as old curtains. Though despite everything, a smile was stained on his face.

Nagisa Kaworu was his name, apparently. No family, no friends to give him bouquets or boxes topped with fake ribbons. The walls were almost as white as him. Shinji looked on with a mix of horror and guilt. Dr. Katsuragi bites her lip and tells Shinji to visit him every day to give him medicine. Then she leaves, just like everybody else. Shinji walks toward Kaworu with heavy legs and feels his pulse. At first, there wasn't anything, and he thought it was already his time, he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. But then there was the soft, irregular pulse, a sign of life. Shinji sighed. He didn't know whether it was a sigh of relief or exasperation, but it doesn't matter. It never mattered.

Shinji gave him shots, pain-killers. It all felt like poison at this point, that was only killing him further, but the doctors said it will help, so he has no choice but to believe them. Once he was finished, he pulled up a seat next to the bed and sat, hugging his legs, hiding his face that had been stripped of feeling for years. After some silence, he hears a voice that isn't his. He lifts his head to see Kaworu facing him. For the first time, someone was looking at him as if he was their world.

Kaworu talks of stars and the universe. Though he may have been high off of pain-killers, Shinji still listened.

How could someone act like nothing is the slightest wrong with them when everything was indeed wrong? The corner of Kaworu's eyes crinkled as he spoke of his favorite poem, he chuckles when he remembers something funny that happened in second grade. His voice lilted, it sounded crooked like his neck, but it was more like that of a chime that still made a beautiful sound, even with barely any parts left. The sound was 'crooked', but that didn't stop it from sounding beautiful. Kaworu had hollowed out cheeks and dark circles under his eyes. Shinji had never seen anyone so beautiful.

-

Shinji visited Kaworu every day, even on his days off. Whenever he looked into his eyes, it seemed like they were even more filled with life every time. But alas, that life was just as true as his constant smile. It was only a stain, like a smudge on a computer screen. It looked like it was there, but it really wasn't. 

-

Kaworu talks of the stars and universe. He was never high off of pain-killers because he never got any. Shinji yelled and screamed, but the doctors said it was only a waste. They say he was already gone, but Shinji knew he was far from it.

-

Shinji brings him a bouquet of flowers. His eyes are watery and his hands are shaking. Kaworu has never seen anyone so beautiful.

-

It's the final day. Shinji cries. He kisses Kaworu and holds his hand. Kaworu has a smile on his face, but this time it isn't a stain. Kaworu says that he loves him, and Shinji says that he loves him too.

-

Kaworu lived a day longer than expected, at least. However, he was still gone far too soon.


End file.
